I am doomed. Completely doomed. Why is this happening to me? My life was totally normal this morning, I was just a normal teenage girl who had a mum and a dad as well as three annoying older brothers who had the same level of cleanliness as our dog -Bob- who is known for licking his own behind and then someone’s face. I had a perfectly positive outlook on today before this massive discovery which frankly, I don’t think my brain, which I’d like to add is going through both exams and puberty, can handle right now. This could be construed as anger but it's more frustration, and maybe some relief, for weeks I have been trying to figure out why I suddenly get nauseous and my palms would suddenly become sweaty and what conclusion does my brain come to? Something that I can go to my doctor about and get some form of pill and never think about again. Oh no no no that would be far too simple for this comedic. I have a crush. Not just any crush but a crush on my year’s most beautiful girl and frankly I don’t get it. I knew I was gay that was no question but the most popular and beautiful girl of the sixth year that’s who brain chooses to have a crush on. Do you know what a discovery like this could do to me? We aren’t even in the same social circles so she will never notice me. THAT little fact makes this even more excruciating
Ok so, I have had a serious talk with myself and I’ve calmed down. I mean it’s not like I’m a 16-year-old girl with a massive crush on the year’s most beautiful girl. I can totally handle this. I’ll just bury myself in work and it will go away. WRONG how you can think I’m sounding sane? This is a monstrous discovery I wish my brain had never worked out. I was better off thinking I was dying of the plague- yes that is how demented I was before- I’m kind of a geek who enjoys watching X-files so how I’m supposed to talk to this girl I will never know. It’ll work itself out I’m sure I just have to get my exams out of the way and then have my mental breakdown over this after those few gruelling weeks. It’s cool, I’m cool.
My teachers are in my head. They know. They have worked out that I am basically dying over this girl and that’s why I’ve worked with her so much. I was forced to work with Molly three times today and don’t get my started on how she looked, even with our restrictive uniforms she looks so good in her skirt, showing off her legs. I wanted to die, me and my frumpy trousers. Curse my mother for her love of practicality over style. Anyway I sneezed so many times trying to cover up my intoxication at her perfume, I thought I was in some form of hell where her perfume was trying to work out what I was thinking- maybe she knows from that- I doubt it- Ok, that’s the official crazy stage thinking perfume has a consciences. I’ll work it out maybe even say more than weird things like ‘That’s so clever’ or ‘yeah, I can see where you got that’ when I had already worked that out and thought it wasn’t really the basis for an explanation. Oh god, what is my life coming to?
I give up on life. She totally blanked me today, even in class when we are supposed to be working on a history project together. I put on my nice jeans today- they are still black so I can wear them and I think I suit them more so after school I bought some more pairs telling my mum the others didn’t fit well I think she bought it- anyway I tried to make conversation asked what lipstick she was wearing- I might try it you never know- but alas she smiled and mumbled something I didn’t quite hear. We worked in silence mainly communicating through awkward smiles and pointing at what we were planning, it wasn’t that productive but we got like three sentences. If that’s not bad enough my stupid brain decides to throw the curveball ‘what if she likes you back’ what the hell brain? That is not something I want to hear, thank you. Although it might be nice for it to be true. I probably couldn’t live up to her standards I mean she’s like the friggin Angelina Jolie of our school you know what I mean. Anyway, I saw her laughing with Finnsey- that is what he calls himself- earlier she’s into that dumb bad boy thing I guess, lord knows why. Ok, this is going to destroy me so, I will stop thinking about this. Just tune into some Mulder and Scully that will solve everything.
There is someone up there. She complimented me today, she said that my necklace was nice- it’s a deathly hallows pendant and there’s a blue crystal thing my aunt thought would suit me too- and then I smiled and said I liked her hair today and then we smiled like dweebs at each other with that look I’ve seen on fictional characters faces before they become like actual couple something like Janeway and Chakotay. Anyway, we then had great lesson just talking about the history of the Nazis and I really think she was enjoying it- hopefully, it was my company at the forefront of that enjoyment. I’m basically bubbling at this improvement. My friend thinks I’m hopeless, she doesn’t laugh at me in a mean way but it’s definitely mocking but I guess I was the same when she was hardcore crushing on Michael from the year above a few years back, so I can’t complain about her. She’s been good showing me how do my hair a little nicer and brighten my face with a little lipstick and mascara, which is not as annoying as I thought, I’m not looking forward to tomorrow because I don’t have history but I do have like three free periods so I can talk a bit more to Soph- my best friend she is a great friend you know she has that sort of sarcastic attitude that makes you want to slap her at time but her hug her at others it’s quite refreshing.
Holy moly I got a note from her, she threw it at my head and now I have to go and meet her round the back of the school, which might be a bit rebellious but I am going to take that risk. I don’t know if I am ready to be totally alone but I don’t want to betray her trust by taking Sophie along with me so I’m going it alone.
She really is pretty. I’m still nervous so I’m watching her she seems nervous too so here goes nothing.
Holy crap, holy crap she wants to go out with me too, like an actual date as in just me and her, nobody else. She enjoys rock climbing so it’s time to get out the razor and shave my legs ready to wear some ¾ length leggings, I’ve been rock climbing before so I know that shorts aren’t the way to go. I am so nervous though what if I’m too weird for her? You know it’s gonna be so weird, I mean without her gaggle of popular people. Oh, what if she takes them and they laugh at me? What if this is all a joke? I don’t want it to be. No, I’m being silly it won’t be, 100% sure of that one. It will all work out.
I can’t believe it! She has seen all 10 seasons of X-files! She heard me and Soph talk about it and decided to watch it, we had an in-depth discussion about Mulder and Scully and it wasn’t me like feeding her the answers. I just about exploded. We talked about other things and after our little rock climbing session, we went for a run, which I didn’t mind even if I could keep up that well. She was so kind and suggested we go clean up. I’m glad I took a chance with this discovery, at first I thought I was a monumentally destroying discovery but I have since withdrawn that conclusion and found a fellow geek who is actually very sincere unlike a lot of her peers at school.